The hidden lexicon of oppression and violence in America, by Marvin Wade

We present this week our first dispatch in a couple months from one of our all-time favorites, Marvin Wade, writing here about the subtexts of some conversations he’s been having lately.

Words. They are how we communicate with one another. They can be used to empower one another;  "great" "outstanding" "terrific."  They can be used to show appreciation;  "love" "cherish" "admire."  They can make you blush; "beautiful" "alluring" "dazzling."

But unfortunately the words that have the most effect on society are the words that hurt or are used stereotypically to negatively define and confine a person or people to a specific group.

For the most part we think before we speak. Choosing our words carefully to fit what it is we are trying to express. Sometimes we'll speak without the full understanding or knowledge of the power and effect that the words we are using can have toward another. But Then there are those who do know the power of their words and use it to control, manipulate, and hurt others.

I want to have a discussion about these very words. And their effect on our society.

I was recently in a QandA session on Facebook with two other panelists. In the middle of a heated discussion I had expressed my displeasure in not being allowed to finish my thoughts. One of the panelists, a Woman, then labeled me as, "being sensitive." I instantly took offense. Now the word "sensitive" on its own is not an offensive or disrespectful word. But used by a Woman in a heated argument with a Man, it can be taken as a form of disrespect. Due to the fact that the word "sensitive" taken out of context has the negative connotation of meaning "weak." She used the word "sensitive " to silence me. To have me second guess whether or not to Express my feelings. That one word instantly said to me, "Be a man. Shut up and stop whining!"  And unfortunately in a lot of instances like this, a lot of men shut up. For fear of being labeled "sensitive."

But I refused to be silenced by the word. And instead expressed to her the meaning of the word in the context she was using it. She disagreed. Arguing that it was all in my head. That she meant no disrespect. I saw the sly smile across her face. In a way she was right. It was in my head. I have been programmed by society to take offense as a Man to being called "sensitive"  and she knew this. So she used the word as a weapon to hurt me and silence me. It hurt me. But didn't silence me. We ended the night agreeing to disagree.

How did such a small word have that much of an effect on me? As I said earlier, I, like many other men, have been conditioned and programmed to take offense to certain words. We have been brainwashed to believe that only a Woman shows emotion. Men don't cry. Men don't complain. Men don't ask directions. "Those are all female traits." And unfortunately Women as well as Men use these "stereotypes" as weapons in keeping each other in emotional restraints. Imaginary handcuffs. Wow! But while on the subject of "stereotypes". What does it mean to be "stereotyped"?  Well to me, "stereotypes" are Words that negatively define us into certain groups by race, gender, or sexual orientation. Stereotypical words have been used for centuries as a tool to label and define Women as, "Argumentative" "bossy" "weak" "manly" "emotional." The purpose of these words has been to prevent Women from ascending occupationally, economically or socially and an excuse for some men to exact physical and sexual assault on them. The workplace, college campuses, the home, are just some of the places wicked men hide behind words such as, "boss" "head" "king" "C.E.O"  "President" Governor " feeling as if, because of these titles that have defined them for so long, they have the right to a Woman's body. And Just as the word "sensitive" was used as an attempt to silence me, a word like "weak" is used in a lot of these instances towards Women as a means to silence them as well. Leaving a lot of Women feeling as if they were the blame or should have done something more to prevent these assaults. Fuck that! As many Women over the years have asserted. Not allowing words of prey used by men and some women to keep them in their so called "place." The "Me too" movement has been a prime example of Women exacting Power over their bodies. Control over their lives and having Peace within, no matter where they are present. I recently witnessed at my job a floor manager who happens to be a Woman exact this very Peace, Power and Control when a Male worker, whose title is beneath hers, tried to jokingly say to her, "Boy you real "bossy" today."  She quickly took offense and said to him, "I'm a ‘Boss,’ not ‘bossy.’" He immediately took that smile off his face and replaced it with embarrassment and said, "My bad." She let it go at that and with her head held high, strutted to her desk. With her now out of ear shot he turned to me and whispered, "A real bitch." I looked him straight in his eye and said with every ounce of seriousness in my voice, "Tell her that to her face,"  and walked away from him. As a true definition of a Man, as well as a Spiritual being, that incident, as well as the Women's movement in general has been a blessing for me to witness.

But the breaking down of such barriers that specific words helped to build starts with self. Society has brainwashed and programmed us all to see the world through the prism of these divisive and restrictive words. The way we begin to see and respect one another for our own unique presentation, is from making a conscious effort each day to refrain from using words in a destructive, disrespectful and divisive Context. 

During the course of my 25 years in prison I realized very quickly how the use of certain words towards another or a group can possibly cost you your life. It was there where I began my own conscious attempt at watching the words that came out my mouth. Meditation and writing were also important to this conscious growth process that was now manifesting within me. During this process, my level of empathy towards others also grew. I didn't want to hurt anyone with my hands or with my words. I wanted peace and growth for everyone. So this process of deprogramming that I've been going through over the years is the same process I believe we all need to partake in if we truly want to live in a society of Love and Respect. Now it doesn't have to involve the same path and methods I used towards my continuing evolution. But a conscious, positive process nevertheless.

Words have many meanings. Especially depending on the context in which it is being used in. They have depth and far more reaching consequences than we are allowing ourselves to consciously see. And that's the main reason why in this dispatch I stayed away from the blatant words of disrespect, oppression and violence. Like, "nigga" "bitch" and "faggot." I wanted this dispatch to shed light on the words that are part of the hidden lexicon of oppression and violence. Words like "sensitive" and "bossy"  We know when those blatant words are used what they mean. But people hide behind the benign words expressed here in my dispatch. They'll say, "Oh I didn't mean that," just as I explained my panelist expressed to me. The words in my dispatch are much more dangerous and oppressive in my opinion than the blatant words. You can't hide behind, "nigga" "bitch" and "faggot."  But you can hide behind "sensitive" and "bossy" and do a lot of destruction.

So as my Mother used to say, "Better watch what you say out your mouth!"😊

Peace! Power! Control!

Marvin Wade joined the Re/Creation Bed-Stuy writing workshop in 2019, shortly after coming home from a 25-year sentence primarily at Sing Sing. While inside, Marvin wrote multiple books’ worth of stories, novels, and personal essays on every bit of paper he could find, using his gifts as a writer to remake himself. He’s now learning the rudiments of writing and editing on a computer while working with the Re/Creation team. He is a Spiritual Activist based in Brooklyn. He reads his work, which is populated largely by strong women characters, every week in workshop, and now works with our team to create and edit his own dispatches. His poem “Where I’m From” was recently featured in Voices of Fortune 2020 literary magazine.