Mental Crossroads of Life
by
Sylvester Lawrence Jackson ll
I could tell you stories about my life's journeys but, honestly, I wouldn't know where to begin. I can start by telling you I was born in Alabama and had a great childhood, but even though that's true, I've had some childhood tragedies. My closest friend as a child was struck and killed by a freight train in front of me, and I was molested by an older woman at the age of seven.
I've suffered from mental health illnesses for most of my adult life. The issue that affects me most is chronic depression. It seems to come out of nowhere and is extremely debilitating and paralyzing. It often brings me to tears and leaves me very fearful of people and situations. Even to this day, I find myself looking at rooftops of buildings for possible snipers and other imminent dangers — those are just a couple of examples from my time serving in the Marine Corps.
My life from ages 9 to 18 was great. I did excellent in school. I had lots of girlfriends and friends, and played sports. My journey through the Marines was tragic. I experienced a lot of death, but I made it through. But now I suffer from post-traumatic stress. A lot of unfortunate things happened even after I came home. I became homeless and ended up going to prison for a lot of years. However, I've learned in life that all things happen for a reason.
This is a difficult topic for me to write about or speak about. I've been dealing with mental health issues for about 40 years now. I've had conversations and discussions with mental health professionals and the majority of them had one solution, medication, some of which did actually help me seeing that I have suicidal tendencies. I've had other serious illnesses such as cirrhosis of the liver and Hep C at the same time and doctors told me I wouldn't have long to live. I also suffer from stage 4 prostate cancer and I'm doing the best I can. I don't know if I'm winning or losing this battle, but nevertheless, I'm not giving up.
Over 970 million people worldwide suffer from some type of mental health disorder such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD and many more. I also suffer from stress. Even though it's not considered a mental health issue, it can worsen existing problems. For me personally, it's caused two heart attacks and a number of other issues from a very young age.
Anxiety affects 284 million people in the world, depression affects 264 million people, alcohol use disorder affects 107 million people, and drug use affects 71 million people. 50% of all lifetime mental health illnesses begin by age 14 and 75% by the age of 24.
Growing up I never thought about any of this stuff, but now I live through it on a daily basis. I'm extremely happy today because I have Alcoholics Anonymous in my life. I've got a sponsor and a support group that helps me on a daily basis. Some people may think this is a program for weak-minded or weak-willed persons but it's not. This year I've been blessed to celebrate 40 years of sobriety and it hasn't always been easy. There have been many times that I've wanted to give up because life has placed so many obstacles in my path. Without my faith in God, I would have given up. I thank God for each and every day I get.
My crossroad from being an active addict and alcoholic to being a rationalized, civilized, responsible person of society has truly opened my eyes and given me many benefits in life of which are love and friendship from family and friends. I am truly blessed. And even though some days are more difficult than others I still push forward. Something else I've learned in life is that life is what you make of it. I believe that we all hit that hypothetical wall in life that we can't get over, but when we reach our crossroads, sometimes we don't want to decide which path to take. But sometimes taking the wrong path is just another lesson in life. But not all of us get to go back and choose the right path. The right path may come with pain and multitudes of mistakes, and having to face our fears. But in the end, there can be victories and happier times.
Sylvester Lawrence “Sonny” Jackson II is a writer and retired Marine. As many of you know, Sonny is one of the most important members of our writing workshop for people returning from incarceration.
